Democratic Boot Camp
The collective has determined that the Democratic Party needs discipline. No, not the kind we refered to in our last post although we dare say that most of the shrinking violets in this god-forsaken party could use it. We're talking about basic discipline, a guide to how it's done. Oh sure, we could take the easy way out and point at Howard Dean and Paul Hackett and say "There! THAT'S how you're supposed to act!" But that wouldn't be as much fun as tormenting you by sending you to school. Yes Democrats, it's time to drop and give me fifty. It's time for class and Locutus is a stern taskmaster. The form of this lesson is a multiple choice quiz and Locutus will be giving many throughout the year.
Scenario #1. You're in a campaign and your political opponent has started to invoke the name of God at every turn. He tells the world that his favorite philosopher is Jesus and that he changed his life. During the upcoming debate you...
a. Pull a John Kerry and drone on and on about how important your Catholic faith is to you.
b. Pee your pants because you know your red state is chock full 'o fundies.
c. Tell your opponent that you resent his injecting religion into the campaign and that his pandering to the pious won't distract you from pointing out his obvious lies and failures.
Scenario #2. Your opponent who normally espouses liberal values does an about-face and tacks to the center by supporting an Amendment to ban flag burning. You respond by...
a. Agreeing.
b. Waxing philosophic about how much you love the American flag.
c. Telling your opponent that free speech includes the right to burn the flag as a political statement. Additionally, if any Democrat votes to take that right away they will be pantsed and publicly humiliated.
Scenario #3. You go on the offensive by declaring that the President is a chickenhawk who ran from active duty while "supporting" his generation's war. The GOP shames you and demands an apology.
a. You hide in the closet.
b. You apologize in the well of the Senate and even shed a tear or two.
c. You tell them to stick it up their asses with a red hot poker.
Scenario #4. The GOP musters all it's forces to "save" the life of a brain dead woman in the name of their "Culture Of Life". You respond by...
a. Becoming more invisible than minorities at a KKK meeting.
b. Sending out words of sympathy for the girl's family.
c. Telling the GOP vultures that saving the lives of poor people who actually have a shot at life would be more worthwhile and also mentioning that pandering to fundamentalist morons isn't on our agenda. If they don't like this response refer them to Question 3-c.
OK. What were your responses? If you answered "c" to each scenario you get an "A+" for the day from Locutus. If you missed any of these you will be subjected to remedial courses lasting approximately a fortnight. How stupid do you have to be to miss these anyway? Oh don't fret, we know there's some of you Democrats just dumb enough to flunk this little pop quiz. It is you who we will keep watching.
Next week's Democratic Boot Camp will tackle the subject of icons and the GOP's most cherished beliefs. This comprises the entire ball game of what makes them tick so don't miss it. Alright girls, class dismissed.
Scenario #1. You're in a campaign and your political opponent has started to invoke the name of God at every turn. He tells the world that his favorite philosopher is Jesus and that he changed his life. During the upcoming debate you...
a. Pull a John Kerry and drone on and on about how important your Catholic faith is to you.
b. Pee your pants because you know your red state is chock full 'o fundies.
c. Tell your opponent that you resent his injecting religion into the campaign and that his pandering to the pious won't distract you from pointing out his obvious lies and failures.
Scenario #2. Your opponent who normally espouses liberal values does an about-face and tacks to the center by supporting an Amendment to ban flag burning. You respond by...
a. Agreeing.
b. Waxing philosophic about how much you love the American flag.
c. Telling your opponent that free speech includes the right to burn the flag as a political statement. Additionally, if any Democrat votes to take that right away they will be pantsed and publicly humiliated.
Scenario #3. You go on the offensive by declaring that the President is a chickenhawk who ran from active duty while "supporting" his generation's war. The GOP shames you and demands an apology.
a. You hide in the closet.
b. You apologize in the well of the Senate and even shed a tear or two.
c. You tell them to stick it up their asses with a red hot poker.
Scenario #4. The GOP musters all it's forces to "save" the life of a brain dead woman in the name of their "Culture Of Life". You respond by...
a. Becoming more invisible than minorities at a KKK meeting.
b. Sending out words of sympathy for the girl's family.
c. Telling the GOP vultures that saving the lives of poor people who actually have a shot at life would be more worthwhile and also mentioning that pandering to fundamentalist morons isn't on our agenda. If they don't like this response refer them to Question 3-c.
OK. What were your responses? If you answered "c" to each scenario you get an "A+" for the day from Locutus. If you missed any of these you will be subjected to remedial courses lasting approximately a fortnight. How stupid do you have to be to miss these anyway? Oh don't fret, we know there's some of you Democrats just dumb enough to flunk this little pop quiz. It is you who we will keep watching.
Next week's Democratic Boot Camp will tackle the subject of icons and the GOP's most cherished beliefs. This comprises the entire ball game of what makes them tick so don't miss it. Alright girls, class dismissed.
posted by The Fool at 12:32 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home